Just A Relationship Bastard

I had a conversation, maybe it was today... perhaps it could've been yesterday, who knows nowadays everything just seems to blur together beyond distinction. Nonetheless the focus of the conversation, while intended to be something scholastic, turned to the focus of social rearing and the subconscious habits we form subsequently. Somewhere along the conversation this man said to me "I had a hard time sustaining long term relationships with women, perhaps because I was so accustom to forming new relationships because I was an 'Army brat'..."

When he spoke this it struck something within, amazing how in all the internal reflection I've done I never considered this concept. Is this the reason why I tend to be so whimsical when it comes to the attraction of the opposite sex? Is this the reason why I find it so easy to just let a relationship go and search for another rather than fight to maintain it?

I mean looking back I never really care for the struggle that ensues when I find myself at odds with the opposite sex. Hell I'd rather just argue to prove my perspective, rather argue justification... but not for the sake of resolve, but just for the sake of proving a point.

Its not just in the realm of dating relationships, but I could go without seeing friend or family for quite some time before I finally miss them. Spend years away from these people I grew up with and love and be absolutely fine and accept it as just a part of life. I mean this Thanksgiving will be the first that I've spent with my mother and brother in 5 years... Before last year I couldn't tell you the last X-Mas i spent at home either. Haven't seen some of my sisters in years, one not ever... haven't really talked to my brothers in months... and its just normal to me.


Subsequently women, friends, family, etc. have passed through my life with ease... and to me this has just been normal. I'm merely accustom to people being around for miniscule amounts of time, accustom to people coming and going, accustom to people going and never coming back again. Some people might say that this seems distant, cold hearted, and even mean. That may very well be true, but its definitely not the intent.

So I've spent much of my free thought since pondering the aspects of this concept since and without the benefit of really finding a resolve. I mean, I wouldn't take the experiences I had growing up back, but the ease at which I can form relationships used to be something I regarded as solely positive. Rather something untainted and there's not much left untainted in this world...

Hmmmm, just got to keep this in mind I guess... grow a little more conscious as I think this through.