Crossing The Line

It is at this very moment that I lay on this bedroom floor, that I suddenly recall every reason why I hate dating and relationships. That fanciful and care-free ideal of what boyfriend and girlfriend mean are long gone faded memories of the distant past. Yeah that memory has been tarnished and replaced with the term "boyfriend and girlfriend". To those still caught in the faciful stages of being bitten by the love bug there is no difference, however for people like myself we understand just what those quotes mean. It means dating and relationships have turned into a world of confusion, hurt, and anxiety where the term boyfriend and girlfriend have no concrete meaning and damn sure aren't sacred terms.

That's why I've grown to hate dating and this is where I find myself sitting on this bedroom floor. Wondering what happened to everything that was there before we decided to "cross the line"... what happened to the you I knew when this was just about having a good time??? Do those things not apply anymore now that you're invested? I often wonder if people are aware of the drastic changes they display in their behavior once a situation turns from fun and games to real life. Hell I know I do it, funny thing is that i can't control it... Lord knows I would if I could. There are a lot of things when i comes to dating that I wish I could control in myself and while I know I don't stand alone, that's not hardly comforting.



Backtracking, the point of my rambling right now is that i'm trying to figure out what happened and what changed, what is and isn't allowed, what did i gain, what did i lose.... when we decided to cross the line? Is it worth it???? Cuz right now it's looking like 50\50 and I'm wondering if she's really a Gemini or does she just have a split personality. Not anything crazy but hell are there just two different people that she portrays before and after crossing into the realm of quotation marks.

Do I really want it??? Now that's the right question and that's something that given a few weeks ago, I wouldn't have been able to answer (Much like now) but I at least was leaning in a particular direction. Now every time i ask myself this question i see my subconscious shrug, no seriously I've noticed my shoulders involuntarily hunch up at the thought.

I just want what is gone to return... seriously though. I wouldn't take back the progress, that would be idiotic of me, but i most certainly realize that something has changed and something is missing. Can I have it back without having to re-cross the line???