Herein Lies A Pestilent Chasm

One thing I was never taught growing up, how to share my feelings... at least those that seem to matter the most. Guess it's a sort of learn through necessity situation, got so used to having to bottle things in never quite learned how to let them out. Guess the one in most need of being set a free at the moment is this feeling of emptiness. I find myself sitting, perusing my minds recollection of the connections succeeded, those failed, and those that just didn't quite turn out the way I had hoped. This last grouping would be the source of angst troubling my heart right now... See these not quite so's are most difficult for me to deal with for they stare me in the face on a daily basis serving as a reminder of what I had hoped to obtain and what I was forced to accept. So on nights like these where I find myself feeling void of feminine satisfaction, of the non-sexual sort, all of my not quite so's flood into my thoughts. Suppose its only natural to walk down the corridor of past occurrences with disconcerted thoughts of "what if i... or perhaps..." and my all time favorite "wtf was i thinking...". What i don't find natural, at least for me, is the new found willingness to accept my dissatisfaction with ease. Nonetheless, tonight i found myself down one of those corridors simply shaking my head muttering muffled obscenities. For every touch I remember as if it were only seconds ago, every smile still shines as vivid as the day my retina captured its beauty, and every word spoken replays in my mind as if they fell on my eardrums still fresh from her lips. Now this, is when I suddenly realize just how dark and empty this corridor is because the anamnesis is irrelevant, none of it matters. Thus I find myself on the living room sofa pondering the quondam and attempting to preserve my hopefulness towards the forthcoming. Whether the forthcoming means a second chance, something better, or perhaps proof of the cliche "Good things come to those who wait" (which I really don't believe btw), all I know is that I'm ready for this emptiness to subside...